


Without you

by Destiel



Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death Fix, Fix-It, Gen, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Canon Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 07:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12552524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destiel/pseuds/Destiel
Summary: Uhm... yeah... well... I LOVE Jay Hayden, and I secretly have been shipping Clay and Brian from the start. At least low-key. So what happened in episode 1x05 didn't sit well with me and I had to "fix it"... I'm sorry if you don't like it, but I had to do SOMETHING to make me feel better... ;-) And it did. And now I'll stop watching SEAL TEAM and pretend that's what happened :P





	Without you

**Author's Note:**

> This story was supposed to be a 100 to 500 words drabble to "fix canon" - kind of - but it got a LITTLE out of hand, so I'm apologizing for that... also: I'm no native English Speaker, and this story is unbetaed and I've written it within about 2 hours, so I hope there aren't too many grammar or spelling errors. I read over it like 5 times now and I hope that was enough!
> 
> Comments are always nice if you liked my story :-)

Without you

 

Clay watched the four men with their parachutes hit the ground safely, watched from a few feet away how the cotton gently sank to the ground, before one by one they slid off their masks. He walked closer towards them, hoping against all hope that one of them was Brian, even though deep down he knew. Deep down he knew they weren’t. From the moment he had realized that one of the guys jumping out of the plane was free falling because his parachute hadn’t opened he had known it was Brian. And he could do nothing to help him. He could just stand there and watch him fall to his death. Clay hadn’t felt that helpless and desperate in a long time.

 

He was losing his best friend. The only friend he had. The only person that had his back here. No one else even liked him. He had been an outsider from the start but that hadn’t kept Brian from approaching him. That hadn’t kept Brian from taking him under his wing and forming a friendship with him. And so much more than that.

 

“Identity of the casualty is still unknown,” he heard the male voice behind him.

 

It wasn’t unknown. Not to him.

 

There was no way Brian could have survived the impact, and Clay knew it. And Brian had known it too when he had cut off the line to his parachute. He had probably hoped for reserve deployment to open, but it didn’t. Clay didn’t even want to imagine what had went through Brian’s head in these last few moments of his life. He must have been scared shitless. Clay knew he would have been. He definitely was now. To go on without Brian. To do this whole thing without him. He hadn’t even known how much he needed him until right then.

 

Clay’s eyes started to burn and he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He tried to take a few deep breathes, but it was like something was restricting his airways.

 

Brian was gone. Dead.

 

Clay would never see his smile again, never hear his jokes again, never see him wear that stupid shirt he had called his ‘lucky shirt’ anymore. Worst of all was the fact that he would never know how much he had meant to Clay. That he had become one of the most important people in Clay’s life and that Clay admired him for everything he was. He had made Clay’s life better, and Clay didn’t even wanna imagine him not being a part of it anymore.

 

Clay felt his cheeks getting wet, hadn’t even been aware that he was crying. He never cried. Ever. Especially not in front of other people. And yet he did.

 

“Brian!” he heard himself call as if that would change anything, sinking to his knees.

 

His eyes were still watching the clear blue sky. It was a beautiful day and yet it was probably the darkest one in his entire life.

 

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder, and then he felt someone shaking him.

 

“Clay! Hey, Clay! Wake up! You gotta wake up, man!”

 

An all too familiar voice rang in his ear and Clay squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head.

 

“Leave me alone!” he blurted out on instinct.

 

“Damn it, Clay! Open your eyes,” he heard the voice again, this time a lot more insistent than before.

 

Finally, he listened. When his eyelids snapped open the brightness was gone and so was the blue sky. It was almost completely dark in front of him, except the small lamp on the nightstand next to him. And then he saw the pair of brown eyes looking down on him with so much worry that it made his heart skip a beat. And then his breath got caught in his throat and he stared at him wide-eyed.

 

“Brian!” was the only word leaving his lips. He was unable to speak, the pain of losing him still way too fresh on his mind, the fear of being all alone again too vivid to bear. It was all too much for him in this moment and he had no idea what was even happening. Was he dreaming right now? Had he passed out and was now having a vision of Brian? His thoughts and emotions were all over the place and nothing made sense anymore.

 

Until he felt the weight on the edge of his bed when Brian sat down next to him. And then one of Brian’s hands was on his shoulders. Slowly, but surely he was able to focus again. Focus on Brian.

 

“What happened?” Clay finally managed to ask, placing a hand on top of Brian’s, so he wouldn’t pull away. He needed his touch right now. More than he could tell.

 

For a moment there Brian’s eyes looked at their fingers, but then they moved back to Clay’s eyes.

 

“You tell me,” he finally answered Clay’s question. “You were tossing and turning in your bed and then you were screaming my name.”

 

“So it was all a dream,” Clay concluded, the tightness in his chest finally starting to subside, making space for a whole new flood of emotions washing over him, relief being the most prominent of them. “You’re not dead.”

 

“You dreamed I was dead?” Brian wanted to know, tilting his head.

 

Clay nodded. “In my dream I... I saw you die,” he admitted. “And I could do nothing to help you.” His voice was breaking and he couldn’t bring himself to reveal anymore details. It still felt way too real and he couldn’t bear to relive these memories. Not yet.

 

“I’m here, Clay. I’m not dead.” A small smile appeared on Brian’s lips. “I could never do that to the others. Who would take care of you and keep you in check if I was gone?” he joked, obviously trying to lighten the mood. When he noticed how upset Clay obviously still was he got serious again. “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“Promise?” Clay asked, fully aware of how stupid he probably sounded right then. But he didn’t care. He was just glad that Brian was alive and well. That they both were.

 

“I promise,” Brian replied, another smile tucking at his lips. “We’re in this together. Okay?”

 

Clay nodded. “Okay.”

 

His breath had almost normalized again by now, but he knew this dream would probably haunt him for a while.

 

“You should probably try to get some more sleep,” Brian suggested. “We don’t wanna be late tomorrow morning or the next time someone gets kicked out of the training it will be you, and I can’t let that happen. Who else am I gonna annoy if you’re gone?” he winked at him.

 

Clay forced a smile on his lips, despite not really feeling it. “Yeah, you’re right.”

 

Finally, he took his hand off Brian’s and then Brian’s hand was gone from his shoulder too, the spot he had touched still warm from his fingers.

 

“I’m here if you need me, okay? Even if it’s just to wake you up from a nightmare,” Brian promised.

 

“Thanks, I really appreciate it,” Clay gave back, this time giving him a real smile.

 

He watched Brian get to his feet and back to his own bed, which was only a few feet away from his. He could not have wished for a better room-mate and friend here, even though deep down he knew that wasn’t all Brian was to him. If the dream had made him realize one thing, it was that his feelings for him ran way deeper than that. And maybe one day he would even be able to tell him. But until then he wouldn’t do anything to protect him, no matter what.

 

They would protect each other.

 

Because they were friends.

 

And some day maybe more.

 

Only time would tell.


End file.
